Manisha’s MoneyZen Blog

The Marriage of Love & Money: How to Protect Yourself From Financial Heartbreak

Photo credit: Louis Leray

Photo credit: Louis Leray

What’s going on (financially) in the private lives of couples across America?

As someone who earns a living providing financial advice for women, I’m fascinated by this question. A recent study about the money behavior of mates, conducted by Learnvest and Ameritrade, yielded the following insights:

  • The typical couple has three primary financial concerns: Having enough money to retire, enjoy their lives, and live comfortably today.
  • Respondents reported that they talk with their partners about money on an average of 20 times a year and fight over money at least 5 times a year.
  • Overall, the study found that older generations are more likely to feel in control and secure when it comes to their finances – and they’re also significantly more likely to feel as if they’re on the same page with their partner in regard to money.

Interestingly, while financial conflicts are often listed as a leading cause of divorce, those who participated in the study said that when it comes to finding their ideal partner, money and potential earning were not a priority. Both men and women valued personality, character and looks above financial success. This raises an important question: How can you figure out if you and your sweetie have financial views that could put your relationship in jeopardy – and if so, what can you do about it?

This insightful piece from The New York Times highlights the stories of several couples and what they learned from financial heartbreak. Here are my four favorite ideas inspired by the article:

  • Know the financial profile of your partner. Are you marrying a spender or a saver? Ask about potential debt and the state of his or her credit score. Map out a plan together to address any issues that arise from this conversation.
  • Talk openly about financial values and goals. This includes the kind of lifestyle you each envision for retirement. Make note of where your dreams overlap and where they diverge.
  • Consider a financial three-way. If you do not feel you are financially compatible, but still want to move forward with marriage, consider keeping three types of accounts: yours, mine, and ours.
  • Get professional help. Hire a reputable financial advisor to help you find common ground and honor both of your needs. For couples starting out, I am a big fan (and at times financial education partner with) the innovative new full service financial planning firm NestWise. Another firm I really admire for help with investment decisions is Betterment. Both firms manage money for clients of all asset levels in a very similar manner to what I offer to my high net worth clients at the $1 million to $10+ million level.

Financial knowledge creates financial freedom and power. Under the influence of romance, it is easy to be distracted from practical concerns, but including financial planning in the creation of your authentic partnership will help sustain the love life you desire. Having the “money talk” (more than once!) is an investment well worth making in your relationship.

Liked this post? Help me spread the word about economic empowerment!

Here are some easy ways to share these ideas with your friends on Twitter and/or Facebook:

  • The Marriage of Love & Money: How to Protect Yourself From Financial Heartbreak [] by @ManishaThakor
  • Invest in your relationship by having the “Money Talk” [] via @ManishaThakor

  • How happy couples make money a relationship priority: [] via @ManishaThakor


  1. Great post and such an important topic!

    I just wrote a post titled “Stop Waiting for Your Partner to Change” that addresses how to move forward if you married someone BEFORE figuring out you are not money compatible.

    Some interesting comments were left that tie into your suggestion that you should spend time learning about your partner’s dreams and goals while dating. That’s less intimating that being direct about money, income, spending and assets early in the dating process.

    Ree ~ I blog at

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About Manisha’s Money Zen Blog

This blog chronicles my quest to identify simple, joyful methods that we can all use to feel calmer and more balanced in our relationship to our money.

Despite the abundance of personal finance books, magazines, radio programs and TV shows that have exploded into our lives over the past two decades, most of us struggle to find financial sanity, security and serenity. Rather than help us eliminate money pain, all this information has left us feeling overwhelmed and confused. We need fresh wisdom to break out of the cycle of despair and create lives of abundance.

Here’s hoping these short pieces will help you craft a uniquely rich and rewarding life.

To Your MoneyZen,
– Manisha